It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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