i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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