i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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