i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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