Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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