I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
