I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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