Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
