out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
