I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
