Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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