That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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