I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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