My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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