I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
