I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
