I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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