So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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