I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
