She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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