I want to walk on stilts...naked
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
