roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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