Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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