I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
