it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
