Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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