my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
