Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
