no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
