i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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