ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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