and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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