I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
