in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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