If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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