im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
