Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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