The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
