dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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