I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
