True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
