But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
