I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
