The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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