i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
