Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
