Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
