how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
