So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
