All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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