If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
