Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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