Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
