On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
