I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
