Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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