Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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