Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
