I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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