If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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