I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
