She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
