id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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