I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
