Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
