No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
