apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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