I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
