Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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