I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
