I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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