thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
