Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
