then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
