I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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